Opening the Door to Happiness

文/YaPing Hseuh



  After saying good night to me, my eight-year old son and six-year old daughter soon fell asleep and enjoyed their good dreams. While my three-year old son, hasn’t had enough fun for the day, is still talking to his toys happily by himself. The night is getting late. I sighed a relief and enjoyed the quiet time after a busy day. My heart filled with endless love as I stared at my late husband’s portrait. Every time I take the kids out with me, people often compliment on my children’s healthy appearance and good etiquette. I have mixed feelings about this, since it’s difficult to tell the suffering my children and I have been through in the past year.


  Just a little more than a year ago, the children lost their dear father and I lost my dear husband. My husband was very talented and an achiever in life. He was a gentleman, a good father, and a good husband. However, he passed all too early for all of us. The sky in my life crumbled down on me in that heart-breaking night at the hospital. I screamed and yell for someone to help me. At that moment the only thing I wanted to do is to follow my husband to the other side. In the days that followed, my heart withered like a piece of dead wood. The only reason I did not fall apart was the support from my good friend, who had flown all the way from Shanghai to keep me company. With the responsibility of looking after my three children, I reluctantly dragged myself through the days. My heart was filled with sorrow. I sobbed whenever I got the chance. I could only take care of my children’s physical needs. I had lost the capacity to provide them with love. I said to myself that I would never smile, nor be happy, again. My love had left me, along with my husband. However, for the kids and my husband’s sake, I have to live on. It’s at this time I started to worry about my own health. On the recommendation of my friend, I joined Tai Ji Men Qi Gong Academy in San Jose. Every weekend I brought my kids along to the studio while I practice Qi Gong there. At first, I only wanted to take good care of my body, so that I can be in good health to raise the kids. I never imagined that the day I stepped inside Tai Ji Men was also the day another door to happiness opened for me.


  In the big family of Tai Ji Men, I learned to strengthen my body with Qi, and to improve my mental well beings. Our Si Fu, Dr. Hong Tao Tze, taught us the wisdom of life. With the passing my husband, I understood what Si Fu had said “Life is like a dream, there is nothing we cannot let go of.” I started to accept the fact that life has a beginning and an end. Si Fu said “It’s a blessing to persevere and to endure hardship”, “Do not fear the nuiance of daily life.” I no longer fear the responsibility on me. Every time I bring the kids to Tai Ji Men, my whole being is immersed in the warmth from fellow Di Zi. It feels like coming home. Tai Ji Men has become my spiritual home and source of support. Every time I face an issue, fellow Di Zi would come forward and help me. Everybody treated my three children like family, paid attention to every minute changes on them.


  My eldest son is a meticulous and understanding child. It was very painful for him to have lost his father. Brothers and sisters at Tai Ji Men often chatted with him, that helped him a lot. I was strict on my daughter for a while. As a result, she was always unhappy and lacked confidence in herself. Sisters at Tai Ji Men reminded me to change the way I treat my daughter. Before my youngest son started school, sisters invited him to have lunch and, afterwards, ice cream to celebrate his growing up. However, the most important change was in me, a single parent.


  During the study of Qi Gong, I realized no matter how reluctant I am about it, the fact that my husband is no longer with us remains. In my heart, I have to let him go. My husband was passionate about life and was always strong. After felling ill, he wrote my eldest son his first, and last, birthday card, in which he wrote “Wish You Become a Happy, Healthy, and Talented Person!” Those words were my husband’s view on the priority of life.


  Our Si Fu, Dr. Hong Tao Tze, encouraged us to “spread our love.” Our whole family joined the performance on the stage in the “Global Commitment to Safeguarding the Planet – the 2008 Concert of Thanksgiving and Gratitude” in July. Before we stepped on the stage, I suddenly realized I have the capacity to spread love, care, and happiness. At that moment, the passion for life emerged from the bottom of my heart. The seeds for true love our Si Fu planted in me had sprouted. Slowly I had let go of sadness and faced life with a smile. My attention is no longer on the misfortune of our small family. I had learned to look at the whole world. Compared to that, my sadness is so insignificant. As I continue to miss my husband, my gratitude toward him also grew stronger. I am grateful that he had left me the fruit of his life’s work and the wonderful family that is filled with children’s laughter.


  My temper has become better than before, the fierce anger that lingered inside of me for a whole year has been replaced with Si Fu’s teaching of life wisdom. What had risen, from my shattered life, is my passion for life. I understand that my children are more than just my children, they are also three precious and adorable entities. I now know how to appreciate them and love them. Even the kids told me that I have become more kind than before. I see happiness, confidence, and joy in my children. In the past, every time my husband and I looked at our children, we both claimed majority contributions in gene to the lovely kids we have. While life can be unpredictable, true love can always be found. I am grateful that after the passing of my husband, my children and I can start a new chapter of life with love in the big family of Tai Ji Men.

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